I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
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