I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
