They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
