i was born a porn star she said
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm always down for nudity.
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