South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
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