woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I need to stop coming to work sober
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
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