U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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