sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Randomize
