$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
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He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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