After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
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Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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