I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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