She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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