I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
