He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
