My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.