he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.