Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.