Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
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