I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
