There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
