Me. At least after what I've been through.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
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I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
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After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
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