it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I have already put on my inside pants.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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