In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
