I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is my life. Enjoy the view
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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