I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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