my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
