is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
