i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
