I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
its not stalking. its research.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
