i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
