worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
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Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
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The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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