The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Two words: nipple clamps
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