His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
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he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
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A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
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