i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
