i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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