dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
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According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
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She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
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