i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
