he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
