Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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