no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
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I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
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I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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