I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
