i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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