I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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