before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize