Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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