is your mom at the bar?
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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