did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
