Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
