This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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