So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
