I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
you inspire me to be a worse person
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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