No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Randomize